This is the way you left me
by GreenGirl111
Summary: How Ginny feels about Harry, and what she does to try to forget him. Songfic "No Happy Ending" Mika, oneshot.


I spent months on this one, and I was almost scared to post it...but I did!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or "No Happy Ending," or any of Mika's amazing songs.

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><p><em>This is the way you left me,<em>  
><em>I'm not pretending.<em>  
><em>No hope, no love, no glory,<em>  
><em>No Happy Ending.<em>  
><em>This is the way that we love,<em>  
><em>Like it's forever.<em>  
><em>Then live the rest of our life,<em>  
><em>But not together.<em>

It's the morning of Dumbledore's funeral, and I'm dreading it. I know what Harry's going to do, and I can't stop him. I'm going to lose Harry, I'm going to have to sacrifice him to save the world, and he's going to tell me today. Today I'm going to be dumped by the man I love, because he's too noble to put me in danger. I'll wish him luck, but at the same time, I hope he suffers like I'm going to.

_Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life_  
><em>Can't get no love without sacrifice<em>  
><em>If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well<em>  
><em>A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell<em>

The walk from the castle to the funeral feels like a walk to my own end, the end of the happiness I've experienced since Harry kissed me. Each step is a knife to my heart, except I'm not dead yet. If he leaves me, I'll never love again, I'll never be happy, I'll simply waste away. He never understood. He still doesn't. And I never understood until now. Looking back, I wish we'd done more. I'd have studied less and spent more time with him, held him close while it lasted.

_This is the hardest story that I've ever told_  
><em>No hope, no love, no glory<em>  
><em>Happy endings gone forever more<em>  
><em>I feel as if I'm wasted<em>  
><em>And I'm wastin' every day<em>

I don't cry over Dumbledore, I know he wouldn't have wanted me to. Instead, I look at Harry, and I see him looking at me. Before he says anything, I can see it in his eyes. I was right, and he's leaving me. Because he doesn't want to hurt me. But it only makes it hurt more, it's like it's my own fault, not his. His glance strips me of any hope, and leaves me small and weak. But I don't show it, I won't give him the satisfaction that he meant that much to me.

"Ginny, listen..." he's speaking quietly, slowly, like this will dull the blow. "I can't be involved with you anymore." Involved? Did he ever like me? It's like I'm one of those students who follows him around, who he has kindly been gracing with his company. "We've got to stop seeing each other." I don't want to stop seeing him, I don't think I will make it without seeing those bright green eyes every day, that messy black hair, his sweet smile, his sweet glasses. "We can't be together." We can be, he just doesn't want it. He mean's we SHOULDN'T be together, but if he loved me like I love him, it wouldn't matter.  
>But I smile, or try to, I'm not gonna let him see my pain. I manage to force out,<br>"It's for some dumb, noble reason, right?"

"It's been like something out of someone else's life, these last few weeks with you," But it wasn't, it was his life, it still is, he doesn't have to leave, he could stay with me. "But I can't...we can't...I've got things to do alone now." I want to cry. Alone. He'll cave in, he won't be alone. I'll be the alone one.  
>"Voldemort uses people close to his enemies. He's used you as bait once already, and that was only because you're the sister of my best friend. If we keep this up, think of how much danger you'll be in. He'll try and get me through you."<br>"What if I don't care?" I spit out, anger rising. I won't be in danger if he takes me with him, but I've never been that important to him, I've been more of a pet. A pet who he leaves home on trips, or maybe even just leaves on the streets when he gets bored of it.  
>"I care," he said. Yeah right. "How do you imagine I'd feel if this was your funeral, and it was my fault?"<p>

"Pretty shitty, but if you loved me more, you'd take me with you, and protect me. Not push me away. You bastard, I loved YOU." I run away, still not crying though. Never crying.

_This is the way you left me,_  
><em>I'm not pretending.<em>  
><em>No hope, no love, no glory,<em>  
><em>No Happy Ending.<em>

_This is the way that we love,  
>Like it's forever.<br>Then live the rest of our life,  
>But not together.<em>

I'm not gonna cry, I won't cry for him. Even though he broke my heart, I won't cry for him. It's not because of the war that he's leaving me, I've seen the way he looks at the other girls. I'm not good enough for the chosen one. I thought, for once, something would work out for me. Nothing ever does. I thought we had a love that would last forever. I've loved him since I first saw him, and it killed me when I realized he'd never love me that way. Only like a sister. It's better to be hated than loved like a sister. And then, this year, he kissed me. And with that kiss, I felt like my life had meaning again. He'll never realize how much I care about him, how a life without him isn't worth living. How I love him so much, I'd kill anyone to keep him, make him mine. I don't want to spend the rest of my life without him. But the clock ticks on.

_2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind_  
><em>Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around<em>  
><em>If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep<em>  
><em>I can think that we just carried on<em>

I reach the pond I was running to, and sit by the edge. The water is silver in the moonlight, and I lean over and look at myself. Tangled, frizzy, uneven red hair. Pale skin, with freckles. Huge bags under my boring brown eyes. No figure, just layers and layers of fat. I watch in fascination as two ripples appear in the water. It was tears. My tears. I never cry. And I didn't want to cry for Harry. It's like the last string holding me together has been cut. I'm flying apart by the second, I'm in little pieces all over the ground, you just can't see it. I think of the cut string, how happy that string must be. No longer pulling me towards myself. I think of this then get an idea.

I look around the banks, and find one rock that hasn't been smoothed by the water. The pointy rock reminds me of me. Uneven, sharp, rough. Not well rounded, refusing to give up being young. A rock no young boy would want in his collection. It's perfect. I lean over the silver lake, my hair forming a tangled curtain. I hold my arm over the water, and slash the rock across it. Pain shoots up my arm, and I watch in dark pleasure as the dark red drips over my sickly pale skin, and pours into the water. I can no longer see my reflection. And the pain of losing Harry is gone. Just for a minute, all I can feel is the cut. And that hurts a hell of a lot less than Harry does. I slice again. If only I'd started sooner, I could have been happy again. I wasted weeks. But I'm not really happy. My happiness is never coming back.

_This is the hardest story that I've ever told_  
><em>No hope, no love, no glory<em>  
><em>Happy endings gone forever more<em>  
><em>I feel as if I'm wasted<em>  
><em>And I'm wastin' every day<em>

The only girl out of seven children. That was me. I never cared about appearance, or boys, all I wanted was to be just like my brothers, rough and tough. And older. I wanted to go to Hogwarts with them so badly. But then, the summer before I started school, I met him. Or saw him. I'd been excited that Harry Potter was Ron's friend before I saw him, but when I saw him, I was smitten. Just one glance, and I knew he was the most beautiful, amazing person I would ever meet. And then I heard him speak, his soft, kind, beautiful, caring, gentle voice, and I knew that it was the only voice that would ever sooth me. I knew after the first second that he was perfect, and that no other would ever be mine.

And through the year, he was kind to me. He still wasn't a close friend, but he was kind. So was Tom. Tom helped me. He helped by listening. No one had ever listened to me before. He listened to my ranting over Harry. He cared. Or so I thought. When I learned what he'd done to me...it almost killed me. I was scared he'd tell Harry! Harry couldn't know what I'd said, it was personal. Some things were things I'd never told anyone else. And Harry couldn't know what I said about him. How I thought him the most amazing person in the world. How I'd do anything to have him as mine. And then, the next thing I remember is waking up in Harry's arms. The year had been full of terror, but that moment I'd always remember.

Second year, and I watched him suffer, learning secrets from his past. Third year, I watched him fly through the air, and I prayed every time the dragon got close. I watched him almost die trying to save a young girl. And I watched him come out of the maze, clutching the body of Cedric. And I loved him even more. Fourth year, and we grew closer. He chased after another girl, but we became friends. I fought with him. I showed him who I really was. And he was impressed. Impressed by my power. I felt that he may some day want my power, and me. Fifth year. He kissed me. He dumped me. All in one year. Four years building up to the moment that would make me finally happy, and it only takes one year to bring it all crashing down, crashing down and crushing me with it. No, not crushed, shattered. A million pieces. And I can't be put back together again. I'm forever shards.

_This is the way you left me,_  
><em>I'm not pretending.<em>  
><em>No hope, no love, no glory,<em>  
><em>No Happy Ending.<em>  
><em>This is the way that we love,<em>  
><em>Like it's forever.<em>  
><em>Then live the rest of our life,<em>  
><em>But not together.<em>

I storm out of his house, half dressed, with him running after me covering himself with a sheet.  
>"Where the fuck are you going?" he shouts at me.<br>"Away."  
>"Crazy bitch..." he mutters as he turns around and walks back into his house. He deserved it though, he was too controlling. I like taking the lead. Harry always let me.<br>I've been trying to get over him, but I can't. Nothing works. Sex. Alcohol. Drugs. Dark magic. Nothing. I can't get him out of my head, he's been cut in with magic, forever engraved on the inside of my eyelids. Fuck him.  
>This man I don't know, he was my fifth this month, and each time it's more meaningless. I'm losing myself in it, but not in the way I want. People can tell, they look at me funny, pull their children from my clammy clutches, and gaze at my scratches and cuts with wary pity. I don't need their pity. When I see that look, I want to scream. So I do. I scream and then fuck them senseless. And it doesn't help, because they can't give me what I want. I want love, just a little love, from him. And he doesn't even know.<p>

_A Little bit of love, little bit of love_  
><em>Little bit of love, little bit of love<em>  
><em>Little bit of love, little bit of love<em>  
><em>Little bit of love, little bit of love<em>  
><em>This is the way you left me,<em>  
><em>I'm not pretending.<em>  
><em>No hope, no love, no glory,<em>  
><em>No Happy Ending.<em>  
><em>This is the way that we love,<em>  
><em>Like it's forever.<em>  
><em>To live the rest of our life,<em>  
><em>But not together.<em>

He left me. He left me. He's leaving. He's leaving. So then why did I fucking kiss him? I wanted it, but it was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. I can still taste him. And the knife in my heart was out while I kissed him, but then Ron stabbed it back in, and covered us in blood. My blood. Harry's covered in my blood, and he must know. I can see it, everywhere. It's dirty, it won't wash off. Red, everything's red. Blood red and all over my hands.

_This is the way you left me,_  
><em>I'm not pretending.<em>  
><em>No hope, no love, no glory,<em>  
><em>No Happy Ending.<em>  
><em>This is the way that we love,<em>  
><em>Like it's forever.<em>  
><em>To live the rest of our life,<em>  
><em>But not together.<em>

I cry for her, she's in so much pain. I want to hold her. I want to love her. But I can't, not yet. And she can't know, not yet. I'm doing this for her, and she doesn't know it now, but she will someday. Then she'll know I love her. Then I can wash the blood away.

_This is the way you left me,_  
><em>I'm not pretending.<em>  
><em>No hope, no love, no glory,<em>  
><em>No Happy Ending.<em>

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><p>So I know that most people choose not to review what they read, and I COMPLETELY understand, it takes time, but I still feel sorta bad about the rather low level of reviews...so it would make me REALLY happy if you reviewed!<p> 


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